Every so often I find myself irrationally afraid that I might be stupid. Not like a little stupid either, but really, really stupid. Like I somehow now possess all the stupid, and have become its patron saint.
I have all these deadlines coming up, and I need to make with the witty ASAP, but I’m being hindered by my own stupidity. I can’t get the words out because I’m 1) now too stupid to think of the words, and 2) frustrated by how stupid I’ve become.
I’m also a little mad that I didn’t see this stupid coming. As dumb as I’m feeling right now, this stupid must be the size of a barge.
Think about how stupid the crew of the Titanic felt when they hit that iceberg...Why didn’t we see that?? Cause you’re fucking stupid.
At least I’m not yet too stupid to use widely out of scale metaphors.
I can’t even whine about it to anyone because no one believes I’m stupid. If I say, “I’m stupid,” they say, “You are not stupid.” So basically, I’m stupid and have nothing but horrible liar friends.
I mean, OF COURSE, you’re not going to tell me I’m stupid. What kind of horrible human being says that to someone!
But I’m not looking for a pep talk. I’m talking about becoming stupid by losing my smart. Like how most people lose their wallets. If I were to say, “I lost my wallet,” would my friends insist I had not?
That’s not even a good analogy of what I mean. Let’s try another one...
Think of stupid like poison ivy. So I’m covered in stupid, but my friends keep insisting I’m not.
Seriously dude, look. It’s everywhere.