I have these really boss shoes from Nine West; quintessential casual/dressy heels. I love them. You love them. They are the business.
So, imagine my horror today when one of them drowned.
This is Oprah's fault. She's the one who emphatically suggested on one of her fervor-inducing shows about germs, that women should NEVER touch the handle to flush the toilet. Surely there was a black light involved, insuring calamity and disgust at just how much poo and other ickery lurked all over the handles of everything in a public restroom. And as a result, I have been conditioned by my mom, who was conditioned by Oprah, to never ever ever touch the handle to flush the toilet, but instead use your foot.
This whole practice is flawed. I can't stand on slippery bathroom tile, balanced on one foot, in 4" heels, and press down the handle with my other heel-clad foot. Not without putting at least one hand on the wall; and thus, undermining the entire don't touch doctrine of Oprah.
Surely the wall isn't as icky as the toilet? Actually, it's probably MORE icky, since every other woman had to do the exact same thing!
Only Murphy's Law says it can't just be germs on your hands. Nooooo, that douchebag Murphy made my dainty shoe fall off my dainty foot and right into the motherfucking toilet.
That was probably weird for whoever went into that stall after me.
Similar weirdness walking barefooted through the mall to the nearest shoe store.